so explain again why im purple
no
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
