If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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