thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
