Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
