I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
