You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
