I am puke
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize