White coat. Heels.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
