i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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