Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
