Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
