Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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