I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
