im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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