My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
