Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
