hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
