go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
