Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize