weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
