oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have feelings that need drinking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
