i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
