I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize