Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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