Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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