Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
