Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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