just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm at about main and main street
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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