so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
