I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
