i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
