Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
