My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
