I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize