Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
