she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
