nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
