They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
