Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
