If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize