i just had sex bonerless
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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