if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
