time to smoke my breakfast
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
