Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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