she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Enjoy the penises
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
