Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
