I just cut my nipple shaving
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
