oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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