are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
