I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
