I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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