I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
