Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
