Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
