it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
