literally had 100 drinks last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
