You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Less talking, more tequila
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
