get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
