One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
