Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize