my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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