apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
