Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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