How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
