i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
