I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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