Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
how drunk are you?
Several
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
