She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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