wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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