Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think my vagina is haunted
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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